On loosing a sibling

I am the oldest of five siblings.

My name is Larry Eder. I was borning September 11, 1958.

My twin sites, Mary Beth and Mary Lou came into the world on December 5, 1959.

My next sibling is my sister Kathy, who was born on December 5, 1960! Yes, the exact same date as the twins!

Just a year part!

My youngest sibling is my brother, Brian, born on March 29, 1963.

Here is a picture of my sister Beth (left), myself, and my sister, Lou, from March 1960.

Beth, Larry, Lou, March 1960, photographed by Marilu Eder (my mom)

Updated December 4, 2017 to correct spelling errors and add some clarifications.

This column is about my sister, Beth who died on December 1, 2017.

I have written on RunBlogRun now for a decade.

My brother, Brian, convinced me that my memory on all things track, and my gift for being verbose would be rewareded if I learned how to blog.

Daily, up to twelve times a day, I will post a story, a video or an audio file and ocmment on them. About once a week I write a column that I am happy with.

And, then, few times a year, I write something truly heartfelt.

This is one of those heartfelt occassions, I hope.

My lovely, oldest twin sister, aged 58, Mary Beth Wikle, died Friday night, surrounded by many family members, who loved her and knew that the time for ending this earthly life had come. To be there when someone you love breathes their last breath, is an amazing gift. It is also a tremendously heart breaking time.

She had a heart attack some two weeks ago. Many nights, to give my brother in law a break, I slept in Beth’s room or on a sofa in the waiting room. I would have it no other way. That is how I cope with family who are having a difficult time. My family’s idea of love is to hover. Well, that and watching many Christmas movies.

There were ups and downs. The Thursday before she died, I recieved a call from my brother in law, as I had left for a short business trip, knowing she was mending and in great care. Her heart stopped and while she was revived, no news was coming that was good. Tom told me to get back as soon as I could.

My son, Adam and I jumped on the plane and were home, about four hours before she died. We were lucky to get that time with her, with her daughter, husband, my father, sister, neices and warm thoughts from family and friends. It was heart breaking, it was also very amazing to be with someone you have been with since their early breaths to their final breaths.

As I watched Beth’s body stop all of its functions, I held her hand for a bit and was overcome with thoughts of my sister, and all of time together.

Munching cake from her and Lou’s Easy Bake Oven. Fishing with my Dad, sisters and brother, every Monday during our young teenage years during the summer, and mostly just goofing off with siblings, as only a member of a large family can do.

I remember her husband, Tom Wikle, telling me the day before they were to wed, how much he loved my sister and how he would always protect her. The lump in my throat is still is there. I knew then, as I know now, this man was worthy of my little sister.

The birth of Beth’s twins, Sarah and Tommy, who, both at the age of 21, have now lost this amazingly vibrant, caring and eccentric women from their daily lives. Her legacy lives on, and will live on.

I recall Beth and Lou, Beth’s twin, watching Mr. Rogers at the age of 15, and just laughing so hard, we began to cry. Mr. Rogers, the wonderful kid’s show, just made teenagers crack up.

And I remember Beth, reaching out to me on my phone, just to check in. How could I not love this amazing woman, who could write computer code in her sleep, worked on science experiments with NASA, then worked at Kaiser Permenente, developing online projects?

Beth loved her family, and her friends. The notes from family, friends are touching and needed at time.

Beth had diabetes and it was destroying her body. She needed heart bypass, and the heart was so damaged that her

spirit and all of modern medicine could not keep it going.

Over the last hour, after nearly two weeks of needles, prodding and the help of a loving medical team, Beth slowly

left us.

It was natural and the way that Beth would have chosen to go.

I do not tell people how to believe of an after life, if you choose to do, great. If you do not, that is your decision. My beliefs, growing up in a Catholic family, studying to be a Jesuit priest, have combined with my appreciation for Buddhism. I believe, because, for me, there is no choice. It is much like breathing. But, faith and beliefs are highly personal.

When my mother died a year ago, a large praying mantis flew between my brother and I, and it was animated, not mean, but jumping from one of us to the other, as we went outside, after Mom’s body had been taken from our family home. I always thought that was an amazing way to remember Mom.

With Beth, after her last breath, the nurses gently clearned her up, and removed all of the modern medical pieces so that my little sister was there again. We got some time with her, and spoke to her gently.

We spent time with her, we cried. We laughed as her daughter told some stories that Beth would have loved. She heard them, and she knew we were there.

I am heart broken, yes, but happy she is over what was two weeks of hell for her.

I have cried a few times now. Once, with my son, Adam as we wept over the wonderful sister and aunt Beth had been for Adam and myself. Another time, getting Dad lunch, and calling my brother, Brian, when I broke down.

More time will come.

But, there is this profound sense of appreciation for having shared this earthly life with someone who you truly love and who can, at times, truly drive you crazy. Few people in life can do this. Siblings are quite capable of doing this.

And with Mary Beth Wikle, formerly Beth Eder, I have been so profoundly lucky.

It is raining gently in San Jose, Calfornia, about two in the morning, mimicking my tears.

The memories of Beth are many, and thankfully, our brains, capable of so much, gently slide the images of our shared lives across my eyes, one by one. I wil treasure them, and I will be thankful for them.

But for now, I am sad, thankful, and full of love for a sister with whom I shared 58 wild years on this little planet.

Summer of 1978: Mary Beth, Brian, Kathy, Larry, Mary Lou, being goofy, photo by Marilu Eder (mom)