Marilu Diaires: Two lessons from my Mother

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mom and dad.jpgMarilu & Stan Eder, from 1955-56

My mother Marilu Eder, was a true force of nature. She loved her family, friends and associates with her whole heart and whole soul. My Mom and Dad knew each other for 62 years and were married just under 58 years. I learnt the kind of marriage I wanted from watching my parents. I learnt about the "in sickness and health part" from watching my parents live that over the past two years. It has been a profound lesson.

What I love most is that she lived honestly and died honestly, giving of herself until the very end. That I was here, with my father and family over the last two years, has been very important.

Two lessons from Marilu (there are many):

Always find an excuse for a celebration: Mom had a surprise 40th birthday party for my Dad two years, four months after his 40th. His response was a big smile and he was totally surprised. Mom believed in week long, and sometimes month long birthday celebrations. We are celebrating her life with a dinner for family and friends after her Memorial, and she would have loved it.

Love your kids whole heartedly, but be their parents first. Mom was my parent always. I became her friend in my thirties, when I finally understood why she did things. For all five of us, we all thought, as my brother-in-law Gervais noted, "all five kids thought that they were only children." Encouraging your kids to try things, knowing that they will succeed at some but fail at others, knowing that they are always loved, is key to healthy kids. I have come to appreciate that and appreciate the lessons hard learned by my Mom and given to me with that selfless love.

I was encouraged to create my own reality: find the things I wanted to do, love the people I wanted to love, and live a life full of friends and family. That is how my mother will stay alive, in her children, grandchildren and husband continuing to live life.

Here is Marilu Eder's obit.

IMG_2558.JPGMarilu Eder, photo by Stan Eder

On September 20, 2016, Marilu Eder, beloved wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, daughter, and sister died, in the presence of her family, and in her home, as she had so desired, with her husband of 57 years, Stan Eder. Marilu Eder was born Marilu Pittman Robertson, daughter of the late Violet Robertson and late Earl Robertson on April 24, 1937. Marilu and Stan were married at St. Mary Magdalene, Saint Louis, Missouri on Thanksgiving Day, November 28, 1957. They have five children (Larry Eder, Mary Beth Wikle (spouse: Tom Wikle), Mary Lou Henric (spouse: Gervais Henric), Kathy Eder and Brian Eder (partner: Cherri Lakey). Marilu and Stan had four grand children, (Tess Henric Oakley, Adam Johnson Eder, Sarah Wikle and Tommy Wikle). Marilu has a dear brother, Bill Robertson (married to Gretchen Robertson, with 4 children), and a dear sister, Patti Walther (married to Donni Walther, with two sons). Marilu lived her life by example, encouraging her children to live their dreams. Marilu finished both a bachelors of science and a Masters degree in counseling at Santa Clara University after raising her family. For 25 years, Marilu was the Head of Detention Ministry for the San Jose Diocese and Catholic Chaplain for Elmwood Jail, a career that gave her life. Always there for her family, husband and extended family, Marilu loved going to Hawaii each fall with her husband, Stan, and loved visiting France, Switzerland, Italy, England and Germany, with her favorite city being Paris. Marilu and Stan have instilled into two generations of Eder children and grandchildren the love of family, the need for long birthday celebrations, any excuse for a BBQ or family meal, game nights, travel, movie nights and the greatest gift of all, the sharing of time and love with your family. Marilu Eder lived a life of love and passion, with a wonderful sense of humor and the ability to recognize people's gifts and help them pursue those gifts. Her family loves her very much and will miss her very much, but know that Marilu will visit us often, in the guise of a hummingbird, her favorite of God's creatures, knowing that her family is all okay. Rosary & Memorial Mass at Saint Christopher Church, 2278 Booksin Ave, San Jose, CA 95125 on Tuesday, October 4, 2016 at 6 P.M.

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